It is inevitable that you will have disagreements in your relationship. Relationships are comprised of two different people, from different backgrounds, with different opinions and multi-faceted ways of looking at the world. In fact, it’s almost amazing that we can agree on any one issue in our relationships at all. But disagreeing with your loved one doesn’t mean you have to declare war and leave the battle wounded and broken. When you disagree you must enter the disagreement with the sole purpose of resolving an issue and not getting even, hurting someone’s feelings, or giving them a piece of your mind. It is true that you can win the battle and lose the war. In other words, you may win the fight but ultimately it could cause irreparable damage to the relationship. So here are the rules for fighting fair. Stick to the Facts. Place restrictive boundaries around the subject matter that’s up for debate. Don’t bring up old grudges, past hurts, or unrelated incidences to strengthen your argument. Keep it Confidential. Never argue around friends, family, innocent by-standers or co-workers. Fighting in front of your children is tantamount to child abuse. Remember others may continue to hold grudges long after you’ve forgiven your loved one. Tell the Truth. The truth is not always pleasant to hear but it will set you free. Don’t dance around the problem, be frank about how you really feel. Give the truth in love, keeping in mind that the end result is resolution, and not continued conflict.

Naming-Calling is a “No, No.” Never stoop to character assassination when fighting. It’s unfair, childish and many times unforgivable to call someone out of their name. Leave the house before you resort to slanderous name-calling. Profanity is Prohibited. As Christians we should never have cause to resort to profanity. It is very difficult to respect someone’s faith walk when they’ve just finished cursing you out. Try as hard as you can to keep it holy. Decide on your Battles. Every time you’ve been wronged or disagree with your loved one is not the appropriate time to argue. Pick your battles carefully and cautiously. Avoid Cyber-Arguing. Have enough respect and decency when resolving conflict to argue in person. Never argue via e-mails, cell phones, or text messages. The main reason for this is because the other person can and will re-read your comments over and over again until the resentment and anger boils over. End the Argument with Dignity. How an argument ends is crucial. Even if the person doesn’t apologize or come around to your way of thinking you need to simply agree to disagree. Avoid slamming doors, not talking for a week, or threatening your partner. Leave in love.